disangkar

entah. kadang kadang aku tak pasti apa yang sedang berlaku. aku cuma meneruskan segalanya. bila, di mana, penghujungnya, aku sendiri tak tahu.

harapnya,,, tak terlalu menyakitkan macam dulu.

betul jugak kata dia. mungkin perlu untuk biarkan sedikit jarak. ruang, masa, udara.

aku nak. tapi... entah. jadilebih baik ke bila keputusan tu yang aku ambil?

mungkin perlu percubaan.

* * *

dan engkau... orang yang paling sial sekali dalam dunia kerana berjaya membuatkan aku kelihatan juga merasakan aku insam paling malang bodoh hodoh dalam alam semesta ni.

walau aku sedar. tapi aku masih tak mampu elak.
elak dari kau.
elak dari malang bodoh hodoh.

***

ya. aku dah cuba menyambungkan tali ini semampu boleh. kau yang taknak. apa aku nak buat lagi. biar takdir je yang menentukan.

it's worth crying on this.

this video was given by my baby.

dont give up in mhat ever you do guys. especially you, amirah nadia.

peti besi lama

hey check this out, i found some old pictures in my old pendrive. this pics were taken when im in f3 or f4 i guess.

alyn.anys.aku.yanaa

alyn.anys.aku.yanaa

meet the pretty PRS. teh o.juju.alyn.anys

kak nabila.mell.yanaa

alyn

 nanie

meet the !@#$% DEJ. ecah.juju

yeah. the rock street stars.

at fasya's  15th birthday

nona

wien

okay. like i said, these are all the old pictures. so, our faces were like !@#$%. i'm pretty sure that they look much way better than these now.i wanna upload these on facebook but i know they will hate me if i do so. hihi.

Semput.

'Bila hati mula rasa tenang. Mesti ada sesuatu yang menghalang. Seakan dengki dengan ketenanagan itu.'

Aku selalu mimpi. Mimpi berlari. Berlari laju laju. Antara, dikejar atau pun mengejar. Dalam mimpi tu, aku akan berlari dengan pelbagai gaya. Macam budak Xgames. Cuma takde skateboard, rollerblade, atau basikal. Aku berlari semahu mahunya. Macam tak cukup tanah. Bajet terel sebab aku selalu terlepas dari tangkapan. Tapi tak semua. Bila tertangkap. Mimpi tu lenyap. Seakan tergantung.  Kadang kadang, aku muak dengan corak mimpi aku. Sebab aku penat. Penat berlari.

Bila fikirkan kembali. Bila cube kaitkan dengan realiti. Aku terasa bagai hidup aku ni betul macam mimpi tu. Aku berlari tiada hala tuju. Hidup aku bagai tiada tujuan. Tercari cari garis penamat. Tiada wawasan.

Bila aku berlari dalam mimpi. Aku terasa bebas. Badan aku ringan menapak laju. Bagai tiada graviti. Mungkin itu yang aku perlukan dalam realiti. Atau… mungkin juga aku dah terlebih kebebasan dalam realiti.

Dikejar. Dikejar tanpa sebab pasti. Aku berlari. Tapi kenapa? Takkan semua mimpi aku, aku jadi orang jahat? Atau mingkin dalam realiti aku memang sebegitu? Dan… kenapa aku mesti berlari kalau Melayu kata berani kerana benar, takut kerana salah? Adakah selama ini aku cuba berlari dari masalah?

Naif bodoh aku. Jahil jugak.

Aku tak tahu mengapa. Tapi apa yang aku pasti, DIA maha mengetahui.

im weak. i couldn't be as tough as you are.

i still remember the day,,,

im holding her hand. tight. without saying a word. damn me. i should say something, seek apology. but i couldn't.

i couldn't
it's hard.

i dont want to cry, i try holding back my tears but i couldn't. tears falling, rolling.

i couldn't
it's hard.

she smile at me. i should smile back. but i couldn't. i wonder how she could do that. even her eyes didn't have the tears.

how could she do that.

looking at her eyes,,, its like im hearing her deep heart saying, told me to be strong. told me to not to cry. told me that its okay to let her go. told me that she always be here, right beside me every single second of my life.

just all i have to do is to remember her. remember her every single second of my life too. but im not.

"mak, yesterday i couldn't get a chance to seek apologize from you, and now, if you could hear this, i wanna say sorry for all my wrongdoings. for harsh words i said to you, for everything that upset you down. forgive me mak. mak, you have only one daughter but poor you, she never done any good to you, that's me,. i'm sorry, mak. i love you."

alfatihah

four years

would never blow

my love for you

someday...

Have you ever felt left behind? Have you ever feel you aren’t good at anything, feel like you only give burden to all people around you?

Ya, itu yang Isabelle rasakan sekarang. Perasaan yang mungkin sesetengah manusia juga rasakan.

“baby, could you take me away from here, from all those people? I want a place that only both of us there. I  hate people. I just want to be with you. Just  you. Could you? “

Ya, Isabelle mengalami paranoid. Paranoid dengan orang sekeliling yang tak habis habis menyesakkan hati, perasaan dan hidupnya, mengondem selagi yang mampu. Hanya Aidil yang mampu dia percayakan sekarang. Hanya Aidil tempat dia meluahkan segalanya. Hanya Aidil tempat dia lari dari segala masalah yang meghujani diri.

“baby, will you someday did that if I cant bear with this anymore? “

“ insyaAllah. I will, sayang,”

‘…Run away.

With you.

To a palace…

Where you are the king ;
and I'm your queen...'