Heartache

I wonder how can you sleep with the unresolved arguments between us. Because I can’t! I hated it everytime. I hated to sleep thinking that you still mad at me. Or you still didn’t get what I try to explain. I hated  to sleep while thinking that your feelings towards me becomes lesser. I hated to have that kind of thought. I wanted reassurance. I wanted to sleep in peace. Knowing that the arguments we had  do not affect your feelings towards me. I wanted to sleep with the thoughts that the person I love the most love me as much as I did. It may sounds cheesy. But that’s the point of me wanting to hear your voice before I get to sleep. I wanted to sleep in calm. In a peaceful mind. Knowing that someone is waiting for me, someone who’s counting days to see me, to be with me. Tell me how am I suppose to think that way if we didn’t solve the issue properly? Asking me to go to sleep and saying “I don’t mad at you anymore,” didn’t solve anything. In the end, I will left with so many unhealthy  thougths and tears and heartache. So tell me how am I going to sleep with all of these?

KALAU

KALAU BETUL SAYANG,
TOLONGLAH UNTUK SEKALI,
BUAT AKU RASA KAU YANG NAK AKU.
BUKAN AKU YANG TERHEGEH DEKAT KAU.



KALAU BETUL SAYANG.

Need Me When You Need Me

Go on.
Need me when you feel lonely
Need me when you’re in line
Or whenever you have some time to kill.

Yes, go on.
Need me when you’re bored
When no one’s around to accompany.
Need me when you’re schedule suddenly empty.

Yes, please.
Need me for a while
Need me for a minute
Need me for any second you feel kinda ‘needy’.

For I’d be here.
Waiting.
For the time where you feel like you need me.

Berhenti

“Part mana lagi kau tak faham yang dia dah tak nak kau?!”

“Part mana?!”

“Part mana?!”

“Sudah-sudahlah jadi bodoh. Blah je. Jangan kacau lagi. Orang dah tak nak. Kesiankan diri tu. Pergilah. Lupakanlah. Awal-awal memang susah. Tapi kau kena paksa jugak!”



“Jadi berhentilah, ya?”

***

Weakening

Makin aku nak pergi ni, makin aku redha the fact that kalau satu hari nanti memang aku takkan dengan kau. Aku tak tahu kenapa. Aku taknak stop bertahan, tapi susah bila aku sorang je yang beria fight untuk benda ni. Entahlah. Kalau aku jauh nanti, aku memang tak dapat nak handle/ control apa yang ada dekat sini. So jadi makin susah. Plus aku ni siapa je. I will never be good enough for you. Mesti ada je orang lain yang lagi bagus. Ye. Aku insecure teruk. Tapi macam mana nak tak insecure. Kau pun tak pernah nak sure kan aku apa apa. Entahlah. Aku tahu takde apa apa yang sure pun dalam dunia ni. Tapi tu lah... aku sumpah takut. Aku takut nak fikir apa akan jadi lagi sebulan, lagi dua bulan, tiga bulan, empat bulan, worst, setahun. Aku takut. Aku takut aku tak boleh terima. Sebab aku rasa macam faith tak memihak kat aku. Aku tak tahu kenapa. And benda ni buat aku lagi sedih. Aku tahu aku kena redha je apa pun yang jadi nanti. Aku kena terima je. Maybe aku kena stick to my old prinsip. Friendship over feeling.

Broken

“Sara, you kena kuat. You tak boleh macam ni. You janganlah sedih macam ni. Everything’s gonna be fine. Nak buat macam mana kan? Sara... dah lah. Janganlah macam ni. Come on Sara... hey. Sara, you dengar tak ni? Be strong okay? Sara... dah lah tu. Sampai bila you nak menangis? Simpanlah sikit air mata tu. Sara...please, jangan sedih, okay?”